Fun Fact: I am not a social parent at school. We live outside of the town my kids go to school in, so we do not typically socialize with the locals. This is partially because we live outside of town, but mostly because the parents in this town are not my people. The town has a strong history of racism, drug use, and shitty parents. Don’t get me wrong, there are some really nice parents that I have met over the years, but the majority suck. Yes, I am judgmental. I will judge the crap out of you if you are a bad parent or a racist asshole.
When K was in 1st Grade he got invited to a birthday party for a classmate. At first I was a hard “NO” on going, but the more I thought about it, the more I didn’t want to punish him because of my issues with the town. I figured all of his class had been invited and that he would have fun playing with his friends outside of school. My hope was that this child belonged to one of the few good parents in the town. I decided to take him to the party. My husband stayed home with B so I could take K to play.
My anxiety was off the charts on the way to this party. “Are these nice people?” “Will people be on their best behavior?” “What am I going to do if these are shitty people?” We pull up and the house is decent, it’s not a shack or crackish looking. We walk in the backyard and they are preparing the barbecue and K’s friend is so excited to see him, they run off to immediately start playing. I smiled and thought “okay, we’re good”. I went inside the house to offer party prep help and to find the restroom. The living room was covered with nude posters and the Confederate Flag. At that moment, I knew that this was going to go probably how I figured it would. But, I was holding out hope that this was just a fluke and that I’m just being dramatic.
I walked out to the backyard and, while watching K play, I noticed that there weren’t any other classmates at the party. I wondered if maybe we were just extra early. Nope…
Quick Note: For those of you who don’t know, I make some beautiful babies. All three are fair skinned, blonde, with bright blue eyes. Unfortunately my supreme baby growing skills has made us a target for certain groups of people who see my tall, white, bald husband and uber white kids…
Anyhow, back to the story.
I sought out the boy’s mom to inquire about the other classmates. I was still hoping that I was wrong. I finally found Mom and she proceeded to tell me that K and one other boy were invited because they don’t socialize with the other parents because they are “too brown”. Fuck Me. I knew this was going to happen. This is what I get for trying to go outside my comfort zone. I immediately went outside to find some personal space.
As I was standing in the backyard watching my son play with his classmate, I realized that the whole point of this was to give my son a fun day with this classmate. I didn’t have to socialize with these people ever again. I stood quietly in the corner, watching the kids, and glancing at my phone every 5 seconds to see if an hour had passed. Right when I started to relax and make peace with the fact that I was at a White Power party, the back gate opens. I turned to look and see 2 big white guys, in dirty wife beaters, carrying 40oz beers, with “WHITE PRIDE” tattooed on their chests. The extras from American History X just walked in. Not only did they walk in, they went straight to the bbq and started playing with the hot dogs as if they were their penises. These grown ass men were putting the birthday food in their dirty underwear and then putting the hot dogs on the grill…
This is what I get for not listening to my gut. At this point, I just want to get home. I could have taken a stand but, in all honesty, my husband wasn’t there to back me up and making a scene at a kids party, even if it’s an all white party, is not my jam. I started to rush K through the the rest of the party. The poor kid was starving but I refused to let him eat the grilled, dirty wieners.
I decided that it was time to go. K started crying and having a fit because he was having fun and mommy was ruining it. I felt terrible but I also didn’t want to wait around for an invitation to meet at the church after dark with my torch and white sheets! I thanked the Mom for the invitation and damn near ran to my car.
We have not attended any birthday parties for classmates since this amazing day and probably never will.